One of my good friends commented on a love relationship that was not working, by this statement: “…this fantasy that was better unlived!”
Never have I experienced it stated more clearly! (But notice, that implies ‘regret’ to some degree), and it is so important to do your best to know that all is for a good purpose…for Evolution of the Soul! If you read through this statement’s message, you will notice that my friend seems to be addressing, in so many words, that there is regret that the relationship was ever started, in addition it was stressed to me that there was a feeling of doubt as to if they can both get past this part..(which implies that there is still a feeling it’s possible/or that he/she still may wish for this relationship to continue).
The most proper and perfect question is, ‘does this person whom is feeling regret, wish to?’
In other words, what is gotten from this chaos, stress, hurt, etc.? If one will look within and think really hard or rather ‘feel’ how they are feeling…..does it (this pain, sadness) ‘feel’ familiar?’ Anything from growing up? (The ‘not good enough’ syndrome) or the wanting someone’s approval (they give you a hard time, and then when you get them…they marry you, or show ‘full commitment), it then becomes, “I would never want to be a member of a club that would have ME as a member,” syndrome. (Not wanting someone who accepts you).
Regret is a tricky emotion…. although one may be unhappy, there still presents the emotion ‘regret’ in addition to the sadness. Regret, therefore is merely not being awake to the knowledge that there is something YOU are sending to YOU, in order to decide what you wish to Be, and what you wish to experience…..What part of your “Light” do you wish to show? There are many forms of your “Light”….Compassion, Tenderness, Loving….and we always think in terms of giving to the other, but it also means, giving to Self. Regret, therefore is a negative illusion which is not part of your Light…therefore, it serves absolutely no purpose. Once we become aware that everything is a gift that WE are sending ourselves for our Highest Good, ‘regret’ disappears!
Then there is a question as to the ‘outcome.’ In other words, the ‘maybe it can still work,’ thought.’ Now, that thought of ‘hope’ is quite ok, as this usually comes about because there has been some length of ‘history’ between the couple. Oftentimes, if middle-aged, feelings of at this ‘age’ you just wish it would work out, so you can live out your life with that part of your life (relationships) FINALLY settled, or “I have given so much TIME to this!” may come to mind. The truth is, if you really observe what is taking place, does your thought of “still hopeful” come from really loving this person, and wishing for them just so badly, to be in your life, or if you were 23 years old, would you bother with them or someone like them, at all?
Sometimes, we make decisions based on what societal upbringing makes us believe (we are getting older, etc). But what if we still have 50 plus years to live, and we stay healthy and look pretty good, would we truly be ‘hoping something will change,’ so that we may be able to spend the next 50 years with that person?
My intention is to give support and encourage insight so that you will BE HAPPY. That is the only thing we are suppose to “BE” here….HAPPY! Do you remember that? Please remember that! We have nothing to ‘learn;’ we have ‘Only to ‘Remember!’ Think of the word ‘re-member;’ to re connect, to become a ‘member’ again….to re connect to our true essence, God. (This was stated in the Book, “Conversations With God, Book 1,” by Neale Donald Walsch).
The whole point, as presented in the relationship section of Conversations with God, book 1, by Walsch, is that the true purpose of relationships is what we each put ‘into’ them, not take out; that we BOTH are to ‘enhance’ each others’ lives.
Therefore, if you honestly do feel you do enhance that significant others life, and yet, the other person does not, then they are simply not awake to what a relationship’s purpose was truly meant to be.
Do you see the beautiful ‘dance’ a Relationship Really Is? Do They?
If you are unhappy in a relationship right now, you are most likely feeling this way because, one of you is forgetting that part….their part in a relationship…to Enhance the Other. One of you may be demanding the other to Enhance their life, but not doing the same thing they are expecting….that’s usually about the time that you may not feel you are in a ”Love Relationship” at all….and you are certainly correct in feeling that way!! For, it IS a relationship, but not a LOVE Relationship.
It often helps to look into our past Love relationships with others, (or all other kinds of relationships, for that matter!) and if you had not been enhancing their lives at that time, it does NOT mean that you deserve all this suffering now….does that make sense? It just means be grateful that NOW you DO KNOW that Love and Relationships mean something more to you now than they used to…THAT, IS Evolution of your Soul!
Be Happy you now KNOW this; that you are now aware of this!
And….just Be…Be Love to everyone, including yourself, and the kindest thing you may do sometimes, is to stop someone who is NOT being Love, in other words by saying …..’no.’ Stated clearly: “No more abuse or hurt. I bless you on your way.” ” I wouldn’t wish this on my child, so I will not wish it for myself.”
Another approach, IF you feel you cannot leave this relationship that feels that the ‘unconditional Love’ is much too strong to break away; if you wish to be with this person for the next 50 years, then another thing you can do is to constantly ‘see’ their Perfection as a Light Being of God/Universe, which truly is what they Really Are, and then do all you can do to think only the Good they are…think of anything and everything you can of all the things you completely Love about them, and think nothing else, and see what they show up as….remember, it’s your choice to be whatever you wish to BE in a relationship, and it’s THEIR choice, also.
What I have gotten from various people and life events in my own life is this:
“Does this Bless Me?” For if it does not, it may be best to ‘turn away.’ Only YOU can answer that question by how you are Feeling.
Another possible consideration and observation in a ‘problem relationship’ that may be helpful is this:
We often (and usually) give what they are NOT doing quite a bit of focus; instead of hating what they do, feeling bad, etc.; why not just ‘turn away’ from it? If you were looking at a menu and you saw foods on it that you did not care for or like, you would certainly not complain or go into detail to yourself or anyone about the hows and whys of you not liking that certain food; instead, you would simply skip over it, (turn away) from it, and not give it another thought again.
So maybe it’s time you ‘do not give either that person, or their negative behavior, another thought. If you are not speaking or seeing each other, let it be YOUR choice, in other words, simply ‘turn away’ from what you don’t like or wish for, rather than a decision based on how much you are unhappy…there is quite a difference.
Remember, we all are on a Spiritual Path to evolving and right now, this is part of your process, and in this case, with that particular person right now..so BLESS it, rather than ‘curse the darkness,’ so to speak. Be Grateful for this ‘life event’ because that is all it is…a chance to heal, to create and become the Grandest and Greatest Version you ever had of yourself….notice I do not mention being a martyr or long time sufferer…just Be Happy.
And once again, if you can’t seem to “be happy” right now, do all you can to feel grateful….for anything you can!
